Supercharge Your Day With Quality Sleep

I was rocking my fourth child to bed, looking forward to spending kid-less time with my wife. That night my son was not in the mood to sleep, and I needed to stay in the room longer than usual. I started by holding and rocking him, then switched to lying down next to him until he was fully asleep.

The next thing I knew, my wife was turning out the living room light and coming to bed. A bit confused, I asked what time it was. “12:30,” she whispered in response. Gah! I had fallen asleep and missed a mini-date with my wife without the kids. But my body had dictated what it needed: more sleep.

Day after day after day of poor sleep mixed with caring for little ones turned my wife and me practically to zombies.

“I’m hungry,” the kids would declare. Then I’d go for the lowest barrier item - to minimize prep time, and to minimize negotiating with irrational kids. The result would often be a poor-quality-carbohydrate-rich plastic wrapped snack; a load of sugar.

“I’m bored,” as kids will say. Again, I’d go for the lowest energy output option: screens.

So, what could I do? I’m not Superman, but it seemed I needed a superpower to keep up with life.

Good thing I learned to develop one.

Huh?

What I mean is, quality sleep is a superpower that is available to everyone. When you take care of that superpower, you can use it. When you neglect it, it stops working for you.

So here’s how it works -- getting inadequate sleep made everything seem so much harder. The quality and amount of sleep influences the way you react to daily life.¹ This is why you must first fix your sleep. This is to make it easier to say “yes” to the planned exercises and healthy foods, and “no” to boredom snacks packed with calories and ingredients your body struggles to put to active use.

Just like starting a little snowball at the top of a snowy hill and rolling it down causes it to get bigger and bigger as it goes, getting into a regular habit of quality nights of sleep causes your body to heal, energize, and be ready for each new day. Then, BAM, you knock out cleaning all the bathrooms in the house before work, preparing delicious healthy meals after work, and tackling the sports equipment check-up while the kids are still awake.

Sleep is what will tip the scale when making decisions like:

• Do I have the energy to exercise now?

• What snack or meal should I eat?

• Do I have the energy to pick up the phone to call my friend to see how they’re doing?

But, you may argue, there’s not enough time in the day: the laundry needs to be folded, the kids need new sports gear before the start of the season, this house project has been on the back-burner for six months, the bathroom hasn’t been cleaned yet this week, etc.

Yes, I agree with you. All of those are important.

But then again, how important? What are you willing to sacrifice to get those done right now instead of tomorrow? What if, just what if, letting one wait until tomorrow gives you the power to get three done instead?

Saying no may seem too hard. Here’s an easy way of convincing yourself: try it. Give yourself five days with a bedtime and stick to it for those five days. Be aware of how your body feels. Same with your thoughts, attitudes, and perceived effort. Is a little bit of sleep discipline worth the superpower? Let’s hear about your experience in the comments!

Sleep well until next time,
Brian

P.S. I want to recognize mothers of small children here, as this post may come across as tone-deaf to your tired ears. Many times the brunt of nighttime care defaults to you. The baby needs nursing, diapers need changed, and sometimes the baby just isn’t sleepy right now. It’s not fair, nor is it healthy for the whole family, that you take on the majority of this work at the expense of your sleep.

Where possible, nighttime wakefulness can be shared between parents. When nighttime duties call for you specifically (such as breastfeeding), the father or close friend can give you a few precious moments of nap time during the day. If finances and situation allow, a hired nanny can be an incredible gift for a sleep deprived mother.

For the first years of parenthood, my wife took on the majority of nighttime child care. It was a major benefit to me to launch my career and get on a path to success. There came an inflection point where she needed me to share more of the load. I gladly did, but only then I realized a fraction of the negative impact sleep deprivation had on her.

If you truly love a mother of small children, let her sleep.

1   Vandekerckhove M, Wang YL. Emotion, emotion regulation and sleep: An intimate relationship. AIMS Neurosci. 2017;5(1):1-17. Published 2017 Dec 1. doi:10.3934/Neuroscience.2018.1.1